He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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