There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
