remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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