What a fucking waste of an outfit
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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