Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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