the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
