she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
