It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
