so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
