i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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