What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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