overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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