would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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