dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
