I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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