I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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