My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
