I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
whose ass print is on the piano?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
