i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
