i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
