Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
you never un-have a 4some
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
