I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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