I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
