dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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