your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
