I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
