and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
