I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
