My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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