Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
