your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
