I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she told me i tasted like america
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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