i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
