Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
