Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Randomize
