Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
