dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
