Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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