I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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