she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
