I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
