it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
