it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
