how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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