with your own penis?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
