Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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