i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
