The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am midnight drunk by noon
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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