Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
