I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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