I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
