had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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