I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
