Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
