You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
