He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
